Monday, July 05, 2010
It has been 2 weeks since we last talked.. I went through hell.. went through lots of things during this 10 days.. last 240 hours was really confusing and uncomfortable moment to me.. I dont know how to be friend with you anymore when though u said we still can be friends.. I want to be friends.. but saying it is easier than doing it.. I always tell myself to forget those memory we had.. those durain hunting , bird park trip , the day we went to eat dim sum when u want to go interview.. and miss samuel performance.. , the fun we had when we went to play Pool.. , the day u came to my house and stay overnight.. the day you sms me to comfort me when i was down.. and a lot a lot more.. so much memories that is always in my mind.. I almost teared everytime when i recalled of it and still Regret my cowardness that gave you away.. I didnt cried.. it is because i always tell myself i havent lose you yet.. but seeing the msg u sent me.. I gave up, I didnt lie to you .. When you said u dunno what i want.. Let me tell you, I myself even dunno what i want.. my mind was always you and Us, I went to drink.. hoping i can numb myself by getting myself drunk.. It works.. but also I guess when i was high.. i tend to msg people and yea, u are pissed off by my phone messages.. I guess i was the FLY that keep pestering you.. and you will appreciate me if i dont msg u anymore..
I didnt treat you like an idiot.. it is just my feeling takes time to fades.. I really wish i was a PC so i can uninstall u.. but you are not something that say uninstall then uninstall.. I know i post the wrong thing.. but hopefully u know.. we tend to screw things up when we are down.. I am really sorry if i hurt you or disturbed.. I cant delete my feelings away in a second.. It takes time..
Sorry is the word i bloody hate.. I feared of that word now.. because thats what u told me.. but i guess this word i have to use it to you.. I am Sorry.. I Cant stand up as fast as you did.. I still in love with you.. I didnt want to hurt you on purpose.. I dunno i did.. You didnt owe me anything anymore.. thats was LOVE from me.. in my heart.. you dont need to return any thing to me because i really love you..
You owe me nothing, as I owe you equallyWhat i really want to say is.. MY feeling havent fade yet.. You used to be part of my life , I wanted to be friends.. but i dont want to hurt myself or scare you away from my life.. I didnt lie.. This is not sweet talking.. but from the bottom of my heart. You have the Right to be angry with me, I will take the blame for being stupid and too committed.. Still I am Sorry and yea, I Suck , I cant express myself properly, Fucked up i guess is the word u wanted to use :)
Signing off.....
it got me home
7:22 PM
